The other day, (actually it was after Props and Bonds Saturday Mic Live) I was in Catalyst Hip-hop. I normally get shy and have some level of anxiety talking to people in these kind of settings. I know it seems counter intuitive that I can perform music in front of hundreds or thousands of people. But casual to intimate conversations make me massively uncomfortable except for all but a few people.
My friend RJ was trying to take a break in the corner of the room (sleep or nap). I really should have been just talking to people, but I just stood around in his area.
A girl I normally talk to, came up to me to spark a conversation. I sat down with her close to him in the corner where he had sat down to rest ( right beside him). I really shouldn’t have done this because it made him something of a 3rd wheel in the conversation (while he was trying to rest).
The conversation didn’t go too well either. I’m a really awkward conversationalist in general. If the subject of the conversation isn’t Hip-hop or football I really struggle to carry the conversation. This usually leads the awkward silences that kill the vibe.
RJ has been trying to help me converse more. A lot of the time he ends up jumping into help fill the gaps (mostly starting the conversations in the first place, he really forces himself to do this alot) I have in conversations, but its bad to have him keep doing that. This adds too much pressure to him, especially with how tired from dealing with all my massive problems. Often he has to modify his personality and level to fit conversations and situations because of me. He is under a lot of stress and I shouldn’t be burdening him with my awkwardness or placing him in conversations he shouldn’t be in.
Rj is already doing a lot to help me, I shouldn’t be placing anymore things on him. I messed up his life alot, and I should try to stop leaning on him so much. He has told me many times that ‘ failure is okay as long as we learn from it ‘. So I have to just do these conversations more without him, to take the pressure off and improve myself.
–Michael’s Repentance Blog series
–Michael’s Repentance: Correcting My Introduction and Not Hiding
–Michael’s Repentance: Another Awkward Conversation With A Friend
–Micheal’s personal Input List (production list)
— [Past blog series]—
— Absolute Zero Performance Preparation Blog Series
—September 1, 2015 Performance preparation blog: Absolute Zero
—Performance Preparation # 2: Absolute Zero September 2nd
—Performance Preparation # 3: Absolute Zero September 3rd
—Performance Preparation # 4: Absolute Zero September 4th
—Performance Preparation # 5: Absolute Zero September 5th