To be honest, living life functioning as a sin-eater is tiring. I sincerely do not want to involve or have been involved in these situations. However do you let these things develop if you know you can potentially stop them or minimize the negative outcome (at the expense of yourself). Do you ignore people that are sincerely asking you for help and trying. Knowing that if you ignore them, they will development into truly dark irredeemable monsters.It’s just so heavy because the only way to curve this is to guide the person to the path of man and then human. It is intensive and difficult to change these orientations.
Some one died and the only take away I can say is that more people would’ve died. I predicted and warned how all these events would happen in great detail. However just like Cassandra, who I am probably spiritually connected to… it falls on deaf or slow to act ears. Thus ensuring the outcomes happen. The only way to prevent or slow it down is for me to act as an active agent.
I have not had an easy life, most people are surprised at how much I have had to go through. That is the reason why I do my best not to transgress others and carry on the evil. Why would I do to others, things that I did not like done to me.
I try my best to be the person I needed and wanted from a child to an adult. I honestly do not have some like that for me in my life. However its difficult to reconcile wanting to help (from others) and never helping others. Evil is born in double standard. It’s core principal is my emotions are greater than your emotions. So no matter how great my problems are and even how great others perceive them to be, when they start to figure them out or are made privy… I never put my emotions or problems above another persons problems as a way to invalidating them ( I try). So when I see the issues and I am sincerely asked for help, knowing that many lives will be lost and that others that will be ruined by actions most people would objectively consider horrendous.
Should I have put myself above it? Should I have let someone else die because I want to live comfortably? Should I let someone die that wants to change is trying to work towards betterment but doesn’t understand how to do so?
One life is gone, but others still remain just not in a state that is prosperous. These outcomes could have been much better, the path was lit and the momentary tastes of success could be swallowed. However the desire to satiate the monster and dance with the beast was too strong. Now a life is lost, sadness and bitter taste of regret lingers. The lesson is somewhat learnt but a life is lost.
The extensive amount of darkness that I have had to swallow over a lifetime, and the crap over the last couple of years is too much. I have to keep it all in, I Honestly could use someone to talk to but I do not have such ears. I do not have anyone I trust, or with wisdom and the skill of listening to aid my troubled mind.
I tried my best and I try to avoid people because for reasons known and unknown. People gravity to me for aid. I rebuff most but the ones that involve the maiming of lives, destruction of spirits and catalyst of death leave me in philosophical quandaries like this. I try to only do what I believe or know I can do, however these issues are maxed out. I am a person, I have limits even if temporary.
The last venture into the realm of beast and monsters, a venture I had the greatest trepidation in entering as fatigued me in every level and dimension possible. I have never seen such inability and aversion to success or positive production. To have so many outcomes that end with such horrible states, to develop these things subconsciously and so consistently.
With writing this I can say I have found some release but these events might also take me life eventually. For the energy I had to put into to save lives, was ever mounting to the point that I could not correct my own. Its honestly a horror story made real. Is one rape okay? Is five rapes okay? Positioning yourself and involving yourself with such filth is evil. Feeding and inciting such filth even on a subconscious level is wickedness. It is wicked when you have been warned and told with explicit detail at the events. When effort has been made through thousands of variations of micro and macro examples.
Thank goodness these never came to past. That some families never died, but when people feed off each others horror movie subconscious inclinations. It seems conscious when you watch it. You question it and question them… then you realize it is subconscious. Its just the gravity of pure evil.
I stopped it or delayed, I put stops on the evils by trying to open the mind to human path. However the destruction and suffering that now lays before my personal life. I knew I would suffer, I tried to minimize it. I often thought of exiting it. However should I have let these developments just happen and lives die to emerging monsters in man(and woman).
This is what I currently am lamenting on. I have been called a hero ( I hate that), a good person, a savior, etc. I have never engaged in any action for praise or for some self deprivation (some people assume this because it seems doing human things is so uncommon). I just understand the cost of evil and the greater cost of doing nothing. It doesn’t stop it from hurting. Which is why I tried so hard to shield myself from engaging with people I perceived to have such evils in the spirit. However what do you do when people see their own evil and beg you for help. They actually listen and try their best to change their own evil.
I am tired…..