I’ve been thinking about this for a while. A person I know told me that the only thing I truly love is honor and morality. That I am not a human being, that I will never stop doing what I think is right no matter what the consequence because I’m mentally ill.
She told me I will hold no great romances because I will never allow them to develop and or sacrifice them for the greater good. That I will die like my grandfather doing good for others who at the end will care nothing for me. Because I am a fool.
Not the first time I have heard similar words but recently they really hurt the most.
I deeply consider this concept to be true because I have heard similar statements since I was a child. Has it been confusing, yes, because many people praise or compliment your selflessness nature but then commend it.
I have never done what is good and right because I put premium value on validation by other people. However I always try to understand better myself, to improve myself.
I have always honestly wished I would not have to be involved in existal dilemmas. However my history as shown me that I will do what is good regardless of what it does to my life. It is very painful and all the loss comes to a head. A point where the attrition brings you to the most likely place that is death.
Everything, I have lost in.. because I encountered a monster that thankful has locks on it. These locks were very weak and weakening, so I had to stop it from breaking free. However to seal a monster, you sadly have to also seal yourself. Life is not a cartoon, it doesn’t reset and there are no parades for dancing with demons and beast.